***This was originally posted on 8/11/2019***
Where do I begin.
Emotional healing is a process. It’s not something that happens once and you’re done. Like, that’s it, I’m whole, I’m good. No! Not even close. As you walk with Christ, He will show you situations or circumstances that requires healing. Whether it’s forgiveness, (asking and receiving), relationships, people, I often find myself asking God to heal the hardened pieces of my heart. The pieces aren’t always grand, but they are significant in my daily walk. These pieces affect how I think, the decisions I make, and even how I view myself. Sometimes I don’t even know they exist until a situation arises and my reaction, usually words, reveal that area I need to surrender.
In 2014, my life was completely out of control. I didn’t recognize the woman I’d become by the decisions that I made. I’d become so hard and immune to feeling anything. All the while going to work every day (at a job I absolutely hated), running a business, and trying to be a good mom to my very young three children. I didn’t understand my purpose and I felt lost. It was the first time I realized I was broken and needed help. Thankfully, I knew where to go. I went to my pastors, particularly my First Lady, Sheila Mitchell, of Kingdom World Outreach Center. I had so much to say. So much was happening in my marriage. It was filled with lying, arguing, so much debt, awful communications, infidelity, pornography, low self-esteem, and unforgiveness.
So, I laid it all out. I told her everything! The good, the bad, and the ugly. In response, she cried with me and hugged me so hard. The way a mom holds her hurt child. Then she prayed. I mean she prayed and she began to speak the word of God over my life. Right there in the office, I surrendered my broken pieces to Christ...again. But it was in my transparency that it felt different. By not holding anything back, Christ met me where I was. In the middle of my brokenness, I felt His love for me. The more I released my sobs of pain, His love became tighter and, in that moment, I felt a sense of freedom and relief. In the weeks, months, and years to come, this has been a valuable lesson to me. Understanding where you are in life and being able to articulate it, produces a freedom that only He can give. We are not built to carry some of the loads we encounter, or even the load we create. But by releasing them to God, He gladly exchanges our pieces for His peace, His love and His joy. This is how you become healed.
Afterwards, I picked up my children and headed home. My circumstances were the same, but I was different. I knew that changes needed to happen, and I knew I had a difficult road ahead, but for the first time in years, I felt equipped to create my change. Today in 2019, as I am writing this, I am in a good place in my life. God had healed me in places that reached back to when I was a little girl. Simply by giving Him my pieces. In the words of Pastor Steven Furtick, God didn’t do everything that happened to me, but he has used (and still is using) everything that did happen.
As always, my prayer is that you are blessed by my words. My hope is to help someone else take out their own trash and experience freedom through forgiveness and transparency.
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