Forgiveness is Everything!

I shared this a few months ago as a Facebook post, but this is the story that got me thinking about sharing more. My apologies to those that have previously read this, but forgiveness is one of the keys to healing.

In 2017, two and a half months after physically separating from my husband, the stress of it all put me in the hospital for 7 days.

It started with taking out the trash, literally. Surely, I'd taken it out in the two months of being in my own place, but that day was different. By this time, the kids and I were completely moved in our new apartment, they were registered for school, and I was a few weeks into my last year at Old Dominion. This particular day, I had gone grocery shopping, came home, took the groceries upstairs, then put the food away. Nothing new. We developed a routine and everything was going as scheduled. Except, there was the kitchen trash can completely filled. Who was going to empty it? Me! I had to empty it. I hadn't taken the trash out in 10 years!! Everything was up to me. If we ran out of milk, I couldn't call anyone and say bring milk on your way home. It was at this moment, the adrenaline wore off and I realized how deep my wounds were from the last 10 years and I went down, hard!

My pastor, Chris A. Mitchell, Sr., visited me in the hospital. He asked, could it be that you are here because you need to forgive? My initial response was no, because I'd sincerely forgiven my ex-husband and more importantly, myself, for the demise our marriage. I wasn't upset with the divorce. In fact, that decision wasn't an emotional one for me. I'd dealt with the emotional aspect for three years prior to actually saying the words. But then, I realized I was angry with him because this was not the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to raise out children together, purchase a home, live out our dreams, and be happy. You know, all the stuff married couples are supposed to do. But nothing went as planned and I was holding on to that disappointment, which transformed to anger. I didn't know it until I saw the filled trashcan. So, in order for me to heal physically, I had to take it out. I needed to forgive.

You see forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you. He had no idea I was angry with him. He's out there living his best life, with our kids, and there I was, hospitalized, missing out on my life.

So, that day, I had a conversation with Jesus and gave him the angry part of my heart. Complete transparency. I knew I couldn't fix it, but He could...and He did. I had to let go of the anger, inadequacy, disappointment, and so many fears, that were suffocating my heart. There were many tears, days of being alone, but I was never lonely. That's when my healing began, again! It all starts with having a transparent conversation with God, even though He already knows, He will meet you where you are, every single time! Being transparent with God is a safe zone. His love for you doesn't change, nothing you admit to or say will stop Him from loving you. In the words of my favorite worship leader, Kim Walker-Smith, His love is "Unstoppable..."

Fast forward two years, I've acclimated well to my new normal. I completed a few personal accomplishments and my children are doing well. Co-parenting with my ex-husband has been a blessing. We are still raising our children together. Sometimes, you just have to create a new plan. No, everything isn't perfect, but the fundamentals, the foundation of healing were established and I have the tools to keep building.

In regards to the trash, I make the kids take it out!!

As always, my prayer is that you are blessed by my words. My hope is to help someone take out their own trash and experience freedom through forgiveness and transparency.

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Below is the link to Kim Walker Smith, Unstoppable Love.

https://youtu.be/wlQ2PgQeWmQ